When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive, to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.

“Well, Isn’t that special?” — Enid Strict

What about when you live life of a homelessness or an unemployed parent with no means of feeding your already malnourished children? What makes it a precious privilege to watch an already emaciated child waste further away? What joy do you then find in your next breath or even the idea of love? Where is the the goodness of an “all loving” God in that day?

Sometimes we get caught up in our own arrogance (self included) to suppose that life is a joy for all, when the only thing we have to look forward to is the hope of our next breath being our last. When I saw misfortune around me, I’d say, “But for the grace of God, there go I.” One day I looked up, and there I was! Where was that grace for which I constantly but’d? It hadn’t left, it just showed me that my arrogance had gotten me in the very places I’d told myself I was too good for. That is the true nature of grace in my opinion. I wasn’t being grateful. I used it to acknowledge my good fortune in avoiding another’s mistake or misfortune. All the while dismissing the possibility that it could happen to me. I get selfish like that.

There is strength in enduring hard times but, I suggest, there is no cowardice in welcoming the end of this life. It is not a fun fact, but a truth with which millions wrestle everyday. Some are our friends, some are family and from time to time the self. It is not shameful to not want to hurt any more just as it is not shameful to choose to endure another day of what some call life.

I would say ask my friend Shawn, but Shawn committed suicide about a month ago. Shawn carried a smile for the people around him but the last time I talked to him, he expressed how tired he was of hurting. Being a member of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity didn’t stop his pain; nor did being the life of almost every party. His act, in my eyes, while it hurt the people around him, was no more or no less noble than the choice to remain here in misery, just to keep us satisfied. I don’t know and right now it doesn’t matter, but for Shawn, it stopped being a “precious privilege” a long time ago. I care for him and I will miss him, but what I am happiest about is the fact that he is not hurting.

How arrogant have we become to assume that this life, that is good for us, is any more of a privilege than the one to come for someone else?

We parrot knowledge as if were static and applicable to all. The truth is I don’t know…! I don’t know that it is a privilege to wake up every morning and face the day with a smile that hurts the longer I hold it. I don’t know that the privilege to breath is a great one when you are on machines that help you do it. For me it is a good feeling to love, but I don’t love everyone and I don’t love everything no matter how bad I want to or how hard I work at it.

The privilege is not in the what’s to come, it is in right now. Right now, I am thankful I am here. I am thankful Shawn doesn’t hurt any more. I am thankful for a lot of things. Does that make them precious privileges?

Judge not thy brother, for there are secrets in his heart you might weep to know!

You gonna be missed Shawn! I stopped grieving for you but will never stop missing you!