It's too tight and it hurts
Sunday, July 12, 2009 at 3:46 PM | Jon Perry 
There isn’t anywhere you can go or anything you can do to escape that “you” you are.
Let me share something with you!
In our most natural state, there is no confusion, no ambiguity… NO thing that separates us from truth (not our perception of truth).
A personality is a dangerous thing. The word personality is derived from the word “persona.”
A persona, is a social role or a character played by an actor. This is an Italian word that derives from the Latin for “mask” or “character”, which comes from the Etruscan word “phersu”, with the same meaning. Pop etymology takes its meaning from Latin “per” meaning “through” and “sonare” meaning “to sound”. Its simplest and most layman explanation, “that through which the actor speaks”, i.e. a mask.
At some point the mask gets too tight and becomes uncomfortable.
My question: What is the mask/persona/personality hiding and why?
It’s a battle to contend with wanting to know who a person is and having to confront the mask (the what) first.
I don’t have all the answers, but I do have a lot of questions.
The things I learn are not who I am. The things I do… Not who I am. At most they define what Jonathan is but that about the extent of it.
The irresponsibility I learned from my mother and father are not things I use to define who I am. But I understand they are habits nonetheless that I am responsible for breaking.
I don’t mind having my personality picked a part. And I will go as far as to say any person who does has so identified with this experience that it would take an emotion crowbar to pry them from it. Because the personality is not who we are it only hides it.
Coming out about my status, talking to Oprah, this blog have all made me one of the most vulnerable people I know. My weakness, strengths, flaws all splayed. Somedays I feel like a wounded deer on the verge of becoming roadkill other days I feel strong. Would someone please tell me what good comes from hiding any of that from anyone?
Can I sit in Caribou Coffee with eyes swollen and a heart so heavy it aches to walk? What good would it do to hide any of that? Takes more work to hide it than it does to show it, that’s for sure!
I’m licking my own wounds.
Love has no desire but to fulfill itself. That’s all!
I’m not afraid to hurt. It hurts to be afraid!
What I’m Listening to:
Reader Comments (7)
Jon, you words were never more correct here buddy. The toughest thing to do when we're hurting is allow ourselves to be vulnerable. I know you're having a rough day, but I want say I can relate to your words because today was not the greatest for me either. And through your sharing in your struggle, it gave me that much more perspective to hold on.
I left a comment on your Facebook. Keep strong and I pray your situation will rise above the current adversity. Thanks for allow us into a part of your world.
Hey Jon,
I enjoy your visits when you cross my facebook page and express and share the tender moments of your life. I am also taking a moment from my studies to reflect, inhale and exhale as I read your insightful thoughts. Persona...sometimes we only know what others have told us about ourselves, but when you are able to shed the hats and garments that the expectations of others have placed on you...then is liberty to be your true self revealed. My friend...thanks for sharing and may God strengthen, carry and keep you during your rough times. Smile.
I ALWAYS FIND IT INTERESTING HOW SO MANY US INSIST ON WEARING MASK THAT ARE SO TIGHT...
Jon,
The Strength gained from the realization of who you are as a person will make you the YOU that you are meant to be. That may seem skewed but I truly believe it. We can not always get through the masks of others and we ourselves have wore one at some point in our lives however, moving past that became paramount. I can understand the pain you are experience but coming to terms with who Jonathan is and was has been an important journey for you and continues to be so to this very day. We will have question go unanswered until the end of time but those that are answered aford us knowledge we seek or insight we lacked.
Stay strong Jon. you are loved.
Wil B
What is fundament about ones nature is that humanity is inherently good. That's where it begins. Nothing you receive from your parents (i.e. behavior, language, attitude... so on) is fundamental to your nature, because by virtue of that you received it from some one it is no longer nature...now it is nurture (or learned). Any thing that is learned can be unlearned. Anything that is taken from our nature is in most instances our undoing.
Our nature is who we are our nurture is what we do. There's a difference!
Jon... there is nothing for me to say except i agree 100%. Very well said.
Your words always find a way to affect me in a positive way. Our vulnerable state constantly reminds us of just how fragile we are both physically and emotionally. It exposes the cracks, seen and unseen, in our armor. It is the love of ourselves and knowing that we are loved that keeps us from shattering. Reciprocating that love mends us. I love you Jon.