my dating discomfort...how'd it go?
Mar 19, 2008 at 12:58PM 
When it comes to meeting guys, I have no problems. I mean hey, I’m not ugly and generally neither are they. Every now and then, however, I meet one worth getting to know and the feelings are mutual. He is someone cool, our personalities do not clash, we like what we see, and he not getting on my nerves. Thas a great combo!
Then the time comes to tell him my status. “So, is there anything I should know about you,” I ask. It’s all good, I don’t have AIDS. “Thas whassup,” I told him. “I don’t have AIDS either, but I am HIV positive.” The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife.
After maintaining a safe nonsexual distance from me the entire night, he moves to a very intimate three inches, looks in my eyes and smiles at me. I could see his heart racing. “Thas cool with me!” He took me in his arms and held me close until he left; that was about 3am yesterday. We watch ESPN and [adult swim].
I promised him before he left that I would go to his place to his place and watch tennis with him because he missed it chillin’ with me.
Later that evening we met and went back to his place near near Inman Park. After about 2.5 hours of tennis and 30 minutes of American Idol (worst season ever by the way) the delicious vegetarian meal he prepared was ready to eat. There I am laying up under this gorgeous man with short locks that look almost majestic. His beautiful black skin coupled with 5 5 o’clock shadow and regal profile was almost too much for me. Stuffed and half sleep, I laid my head in his lap and started to doze off, but not before I took the plates to the kitchen.
After out “romp” (not sex) on the couch we went to bed and I went to sleep faster than a narcoleptic on Ambien.
He held me close and kissed me throughout the night. I yearned and missed that.
We woke up…lmao…you know where this is going right? Both phalli were…well, you get the idea…morning wood!
We kissed, touched groped and all of that stuff, but you know when you get that feeling that something just isn’t right? My feeling was right!
I found out he had never been sexual with someone he knew was positive so him touching me while we were in the bed was as uncomfortable for both of us. For him it was because he was uncomfortable and afraid. For me, because I sensed his discomfort and fear.
So I asked him, if having sex with me would have caused him discomfort. To his credit he answered honestly, “YES!” Here I am now, looking ad feeling a bit on the stupid side when we parted ways, until he sent me a text message, “It’ll take some adjusting, I ain’t gonna lie…but I’m up to it.”
Well, we’ll see how this goes.
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Reader Comments (9)
I LOVE THAT YOU ARE OPEN TO LIVE DESPITE YOUR HIV STATUS...I WISH ALL MEN HAD YOUR COURAGE HIV +/-
Jon,
As always, I am so proud that you love yourself so much that you can put yourself out there and just be you. Another confirmation at why I love you.
Keep living fully!
JP, your example of open and honest communication about our status is what should be mimicked across the globe. I'll definitely encourage students to read your blog and have integrity about their lives and others. Also I'm glad you've found someone to be a part of your life....you are such a wonderful person. I continue to keep you uplifted.
COME BACK TO ECU, lol
If an HIV positive person loves himself, then he should be able (and willing) to love an HIV positive person. II'm sure you've heard of Poz Cruz, the on-line dating service for HIV positive people.
Awwwww,I must be getting soft in my old age,after reading this I suddenly have hope that I will someday find a guy worth sharing my life with. You have once again inspired me to hope,lol. I wish you godspeed as you travel this new road!
This read was a breath of fresh air. Not because I'm positive, but to see people trying to make something work and being honest in the process. exhaling...beautiful
Awww, love is a beautiful thing, that is not often found easily. Add to that, the "positive" thing and wow, such a hurdle is this (even in the ATL which is full of positives in denial).
But if you find someone who provides excellent companionship, then perhaps, everything else will fall in line. Jon, your honesty has always been refreshing.
I really do wish you well.
it's good that you are so open and honest with your life...just be you my friend that's all you need to do...and i'm sure things will be ok for you
I had two friends who died from complications of AIDS. Both just happened to be Gay. One of the two lived a closeted lifestyle and the other one didn't. However both kept their sickness from everybody. The one who lived in the closet about his lifestyle died alone. The one who lived an open gay lifestyle was surrounded by people who loved and respected him.
I was blessed to be one of those people who was in the room to watch my friend pass over to go home. He said he realized that it didn't make since to keep his illness a secret since everybody knew everything else about him. What he didn't realize is how loved he was.
My point is to always stay open. Keep your mind, soul and most important your heart open. Love will come your way.
I have yet to have a friend who is truthful about both their lifestyle and status.
I respect you and hope to get to know you as a person because it takes a strong human being to be open and honest with people knowing the possible negative reaction.
I wish you well and all of the love you can stand.
Anjanette